We’ll Be Just Fine

I just learned I have a baby girl in heaven today. She’s amazing and more beautiful than I could have ever dreamed.

she’s got these incredible eyes that seriously pierce the soul.
she stared into my brokenness and read me like a 5-page Clifford book.
but i told her, baby girl-
sit back, enjoy the view from up there. check out the mountains and oceans, and the mood and all the stars. lay back on that cloud and kiss the sky.
don’t worry about mommy, mommy’s gonna be fine

oh and don’t let those tiny ears fool you, the girl hears all.
i cant shed a tear without her hear it hit the pillow.
i can’t react fast enough to cover her “virgin ears” to carry on a conversation, she’s too good.
but i told her, baby girl-
go run along. the humming birds are fluttering, the fish are blowing bubbles underwater and the caterpillar is breaking out of his cocoon. go listen!
don’t worry about mommy, mommy’s gonna be just fine.

my kid has the most sensitive nose.
she can smell fear, guilt, shame, disappointment and blame. I know it sounds crazy, it really is astonishing.
but i told her, baby girl-
get your nose out of the gutter. there are daisy gardens in bloom, fresh honey combs to explore and millions of perfumes to test.
don’t worry about mommy, mommy’s gonna be just fine.

her little hands are even worth mentioning.
they were truly meant and made to heal. she reaches out so gently and softly and doesn’t shy from my wounds or scars.
but i told her, baby girl-
there are puppies and bunnies to pet. there are lady bugs to save and rose petals to pick and wish on.
don’t worry about mommy, mommy’s gonna be just fine.

talk about picky eater, oooh man.
she rejects stale, dull or dreary. that foul taste of depression- she won’t have it. she tasted silence and denial on my lips the other day and refused the stuff.
but i told her, baby girl-
lean your head back and catch that snowflake on your tongue. and you better hurry down to snatch a Florida orange or sip fresh coconut milk.
don’t worry about mommy, mommy’s gonna be just fine.

and she knows now, not to worry about mommy. because mommy’s getting healed. I know now, not to worry about baby because she knew right where to run. to our father in the heavens to watch over me, and be with me as I grow.

words to my daughter in heaven,
by Emily
summer ’08